I am not so systematic in thinking its too late to get a good nights rest. Six hours facing north will not be enough to get me up without a stumble in my crooked knee and a squint in my tired eye. The top of my head keeps telling me to go to bed. But my fingers are stubborn, so Ill wait until my tired eyes are heavy enough to not see black symbols on my white screen.
I had believed that I had forgotten what an empty road is like to drive at midnight. But after slowing down to rolling kilometres I knew I had not mistaken myself for someone who forgot the journey home but rather the time. He waved me down with his traffic controller instrument, or rather his tools of trade and convinced me to break and move to the left.
I remembered that morning when I found myself in that same lane but a little more distressed. My car screeched to a halting stop with a smell of burnt rubber around the edges. I looked up and found the nearby bush caught in my windscreen. I knew I had stopped but something reckless had happened. I looked around for other signals that would help reconstruct what happened in the last minute. But I couldn’t quite make out the time and nothing would move. I looked down below at my feet and could see bare toes staring back. I distinctly remembered my mother. I always tend to remember my mother at stressful times. I knew she wouldn’t jump to say anything but she would give me a look. Her face would hide concern and the lines around her eyes would comfort me.
I left home early today, offering my sister a twenty minute lift north in a blurred state and a hurry. I left without any footwear and wearing abstract circles on my pants. I looked over at the passenger seat of the car but I had nothing, no shoes, no phone and a dead ignition. A car pulled up seconds after and I winded down my window with a shaking palm. After hearing my fathers words being uttered by two strangers I called home.
I wanted a grey Beret large enough to hide my face. I wanted to go to sleep. In my room, he went through the emotions for me and explained how lucky I had been. I tried to feel as though I had a near death experience but I could only squeeze out three watered down tears. He needed the emotions and I think he wanted to feel something real. I did not feel saved or lucky but ever so thankful to the strangers in the left lane this morning. I called my sister she was a lot less dramatic than me. She questioned, advised, smiled, hugged me and laughed.
I went back to my room put some socks on my feet and went back to sleep.
